I’m gonna be honest, I get *pissed* when people make men out to be the only gender that’s ever REALLY interested in sex.

Like for real, it’s my biggest pet peeve other than my kids asking me 10 times a day “what are we having for dinner mom?!”

Because it doesn’t matter what gender you are, people have different levels of sexual desire.  And that can absolutely mean that a woman has higher desire than her male partner.

And it can mean that a woman has a lower desire than her male partner.

Both happen, neither are wrong, and both are equally as difficult to handle if your partner is the opposite.

But just because you and your partner have mismatched libido’s doesn’t mean you can’t have a healthy, fulfilling, and satisfying sexual relationship either.

If you find yourself arguing about sex a lot, or avoiding the discussion altogether, this post will give you insight on what you can do to better handle you and your partner’s mismatched libido’s.

You have to learn how to hold space for each other and have a great communication container so you can talk about your sexual needs in a long term relationship.  What if you are a woman who has higher libido than your partner?  I know this one well because this one is me.  I would expect to have sex all the time and stop self pleasuring in a long term relationship.  Don’t expect your partner to fulfill all your sexual needs; maintain a self pleasure practice.  If you are a man with a higher libido in the relationship, start a conscious masturbation practice without porn, like meditation.

Have compassion and understanding for your lower desired partner.  Your lower desire partner may feel guilty or has not thought about doing the work to see why he or she has low desire.  Low desire only becomes a challenge when the other partner has high desire. The best way to increase desire is to eat healthy and exercise regularly.  Encourage your lower desire partner to go on walks with you, find healthy meal options, eat out less, go organic, or eat superfoods.  If you live in the South like me, definitely don’t eat out!  You can offer your higher desire partner a penis or pussy massage (see episode 31on my podcast).

Learn how to use your sexual energy for other things.  This can make you feel radiant, vibrant, and alive.  Learn how to activate sexual energy by working with a jade egg, so you can store it and use this energy whenever you want.

If you’re a woman with lower desire, schedule sex with yourself and your partner. If you feel depleted sexually, it’s probably because you feel depleted in other areas of your life too.  Don’t override your body’s response, but the more sex you have, the more a positive feedback loop is created.  More sex= more positive feel good hormones coursing through your body increasing your desire.

How do you increase libido?  Get more active!  Regular exercise, especially cardio based, boosts libido.  Exercise helps reduce depression and stress and lowers cortisol which increases libido.  At least 30 minutes 3 times a week is key.  Eat healthy and eat aphrodisiac foods to raise libido.  Raw oysters, honey, maca, goji, pomegranates, dark chocolate, bananas, and watermelon are all aphrodisiacs.  Also, know you and your partner’s love language.  Many people need to get continuously turned on throughout the day to be ready for sex. 

Lacey Broussard

As a certified coach, Tantra, jade egg, and sexuality teacher, Lacey Broussard uses deep transformational tools and techniques based in modern coaching modalities, and ancient tantric wisdom and Taoist practices to help women like you reconnect with their sensual selves, discover their multiorgasmic genius inside, and experience deep intimacy & connection with their partner.
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